Thursday, December 18, 2008

Happy anniversary, sweetheart

This post has been long due. Didn't post it up on the day, because we were out being together and enjoying ourselves.
Last year, we fought that night, and in a bid to kill that negativity, I came up with this.
This year, due to extreme lack of time, and due to its easy, mushy availability, I dedicate to you...

Yeh
Tumhaari meri baatein
Hamesha yun hi chalti rahein
Yeh
Humaari mulaakaatein
Hamesha yun hi chalti rahein
Beetein yun hi apne saare din raat
Baaton se nikalti rahe nayi baat
Phir wohi baatein leke geet koyi hum likhein
Jo
Dil ko
Haan sabke dil ko
Chhoo le
Baatein suron mein yun hi pighalti rahein
Baatein geeton mein yun hi dhalti rahein

Geeton mein har ghum ko
Khushiyon se hum saja de
Jo sunne ka hai woh humse kaho na

Yeh
Tumhaari meri baatein
Hamesha yun hi chalti rahein
Yeh
Humaari mulaakaatein
Hamesha yun hi chalti rahein
Beetein yun hi apne saare din raat
Baaton se nikalti rahe nayi baat
Phir wohi baatein leke geet koyi hum likhein
Jo
Dil ko
Haan sabke dil ko
Chhoo le
Baatein suron mein yun hi pighalti rahein
Baatein geeton mein yu hi dhalti rahein


For ignorant (or less fortunate) souls who don't know...
Song Title: Ye Tumhari Meri Baatein
Movie : Rock On (2008)
Music Director: Shankar Ehsaan Loy
Director: Abhishek Kapoor
Producer: Excel Films
Starring: Farhan Akhtar, Prachi Desai, Arjun Rampal, Purab Kohli, Luke Kenny, Shahana Goswami, Koel Puri
Lyrics: Javed Akhtar

Also, this becomes the pic of the year--shows how our relationship has made us grow, catch the drift?

Friday, December 05, 2008

Venting and other such crap

Something I wrote about 6 months back, I think. I don't even remember how many times I have brooded thus, and just stopped at it.

I've got to write. What, I do not know. But, there's something waiting to burst out of me since some months now. I've shoved a lot of stuff under the carpet. And it's showing now. Smelling too. The past six months seem like a blur. Six years, actually. All through the day, there are zillions of thoughts zooming in and out of my mind, taking me through highs and lows. There are moments when all I want in the world is to talk about them, or pen them down. And all I will be doing is staring at my computer screen. Working, chatting, playing games, trying to convince myself that I will find time to be all by myself, conjure up an idea, toy with it, see if I can stretch it, manipulate it, develop a generalized principle from it. Everything but doing it. I push back so many thoughts, ideas, emotions into dark corners of my mind, imagining that I will find time to draw them out again and do what I was supposed to do with them; but that never happens. What happens is that I lie wide awake at night, and none of those dark corners are accessible any more. I lie lost. I lie helpless. I lie depressed. I lie frustrated. Because I didn't act when I had the opportunity. It's not as if I have great ideas that could change the world. But some of them could, at least, change my world. And as I have said to myself countless times, I think too much and act too little--in fact, I don't act at all. All I do is think, then I think about something else, lose track of what I should be thinking, I talk, and in the process, lose track of what I should be doing. Exactly in that order. I'm good at making plans. And that's all I'm good at. There's probably only one thing I planned out well, and acted accordingly. That got me where I am today, professionally. But the rest is just a blur. A blur of events. A blur of people. A blur of thoughts. A blur of inertial moments. Till, one day, I get shaken by an event, or a person. Something happens that makes me sit down and write some crap, like this one, about how hopeless I am, inspite of all the intellect I have, the abilities I acquire, and the opportunities that come my way. And that's about it. This must be the third or fourth time in the past two years that I have chided myself. But, I never seem to go beyond this chiding and actually do something, with determination, regularly. I lack consistency. I lack perseverance. And, I hate to say this, but I lack passion. I wasn't like this. I get tears in my 
eyes every time I think of this, but it's true. I was a very passionate person. Over the last two or three years, however, that emotion has been smothered inside my mind. I don't know how I did it, or why I did it. Now, all I do is sit and cry (or worse, feel nothing) when I remember who I am, what I am capable of, and what I am (not) doing.

In the midst of all external changes and enhancements in my life, my spirit lies neglected. The flame is slowly dying away. I may not be of any use to anyone, or the universe in general, but I would not like it if I'm a hindrance. I do not like the feeling of being just another rock on the face of this earth. I am a human being and have been given this gift of life for a reason. It may not be contributing to anything, but there's a reason I live. I've tried to find the reason, at times, by following 
the path others have trodden, at times, by developing my own theories. But, what went wrong, I know for sure, is that I have given up before I reached the destination. Like I said before, I lack perseverance. 

I don't know what more to write. I'm gonna leave this half-way too. But, for a change, am not just giving up. I'm turning to something that will give me inspiration. A book. What book? Doesn't matter. I know I'll find inspiration there. There's plenty of it anywhere I want to find it. What I am actually giving myself is another opportunity. To start reviving myself. It's like CPR. 

Pray that I never give up this time.

I found this after I wrote into my Nokia notes last night, as I sat on a park bench after a walk to destress from 12 hours of being at the computer.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Brinjal Crisps

A recipe post (+) ingredients (-) instructions (+) pictures (+) tips.

Tip:
Option 1 - Wash the rice grains, spread it on a piece of cotton cloth, and sun it.
Option 2 - Heat in a pan, on a medium flame, for about 5 minutes; stir continuously.
Option 3 - Microwave for 1.5 to 2 mins on medium power, and spread on a steel or porcelain dish to cool.

Tip: Grind in a mixer (or a stone grinder, if you love it the traditional way) until it's a slightly coarse powder.



Spices: Turmeric powder, red chilli powder, salt, aamchoor (you may use a few drops of lemon juice instead); as per pereference.









Tips:
1 - Turn the slices in the order that you laid them on the pan to avoid burning.
2 - Take off the slices in the center first, and push the outer ones closer until all of them are evenly colored (or not, as you wish).
3 - For crunchier slices, heat 'em longer on the lowest flame.

Tip: You may not drip the oil, if you're not in love with your healthy heart and don't care about that darn BMI.


Tip: For those mushy-sappy folks who like to give their own touch to anything they do, you may serve it in a way that depicts your true personality.

Note: It's a side dish, but our* absolute love for it tempts us into making dinner-sized quantities that we gobble up in 5 minutes!

* Me a fan since childhood, when mamma used to make these as a treat, and the hubs who HATES brinjal and ABHORS baingan-ka-bharta too, but throughly loves these!

Note: You can also try the same with potatoes, slightly raw pumpkins, and neerphaNas (I have no idea what they call it in English or Hindi, but it's a miniature version of jackfruit, never turns sweet, and is used to make subzis... know this?)

Update: Hunting the internet grounds brought me to what I think is the closest to or may be the same as neerphaNas--the breadfruit.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Time for new lessons

Over the past few months I was going through a stage where I had almost lost faith in all the good things.

About four years back, I went through a totally opposite stage, where I had a euphoric belief in God, and could see miracles everywhere around me. Then, I reached a point where I was in the best mindset ever in this lifetime. I had the right attitude towards life, the right people around me, and the opportunity to plan and buy all the materialistic things I'd want. From that point onwards, however, everything went downhill. Whenever I thought back about it, I could see the exact events when I went wrong. But that did not give me the inspiration to go set it right. All I've been doing, so far, is brooding about it.

But since the past few months, I've been noticing a series of events that are leading me in a certain direction. Well, I've noticed it only lately. At the onset of this series of events, however, I was totally clueless about what was happening to me and why. Everything was so foggy--I should have realized it was the dawn of a new day full of lessons for me.

Four years ago, I had just finished a previous, very long day of lessons. It was clearly an emotional rebirth of sorts for me. The next angel taught me a lot in a really short time, and it was fun. Then came the long period of stumbling down the hill. I doubt whether I could have steadied myself even if I wanted to. Maybe this was necessary to break my ego, which had built itself up while I was reaching my mental / emotional high-point.

In the past few months, I had to sort of unlearn all that I had learned before. All my myths about love and life came shattering down to the point that I was becoming bitter and rotten from within. Then, slowly, without me noticing, the regeneration process began. This time, my angels appeared not in the form of people, but as books. Oh, wait a minute! What am I saying? Of course, there was a person. You know who you are. Thank you.

Then there were my darling books: Curious Lives (Richard Bach) and Many Lives, Many Masters (Dr. Brian Weiss). I had bought these books months ago: just around the end of my four-year-long-day-of-lessons. But, as I truly believe, books come to me (read: I happen to read them) at a time when I need them the most.

Curious Lives was the first to intervene: like I said, I was losing faith in all the good things in life. I felt like rebelling against every custom / tradition set by people around me. When I began with the book, I wondered to myself: how could people be good to others and themselves all the time? That would make the world so boring! This was contradictory to what I wanted, what everyone else seems to want, but can't care enough to work at: world peace, or peace in general--the absence of strife--especially in human relationships. The book cleared any doubts I had about the possibility of a fun life inspite of all the goody-goody behavior. Richard Bach is surely one of my most important teachers in this lifetime. A silent thanks to you my reluctant messiah!

Many Lives, Many Masters revived my belief in the existence of the soul and the concept of reincarnations--to learn the lessons we need to reach the all-knowing and wise, God-like stage of tranquility. A friend had recommended it long back, but I knew it would come to me when I was ready.

To top it off, Evan Almighty was aired on TV this evening--a movie I would've put off watching as just another sequel that rides on the success of its ancestor. The hubs somehow kept it on instead of flipping channels as he usually does, and it got me interested minute-by-minute. Now, it's not a great movie by itself. It just came at a special time to me. Thanks for all the hints, my angels.

Besides these, the other significant pointer for me was a sort of reconciliation with a friend, whom I had almost lost, along with my previous unlearning. He was an angel during those lessons--now he is probably a classmate. Another thing that fell into place was my plan to reestablish myself as the morning-person that I always was. I asked for my late evening conference calls at work to be rescheduled to the mornings, and it was accepted in a jiffy. At the same time, my one-month freeze on the gym membership got over, and I started swimming already! Also, for some reason, the hubs and I did not pay our regular visit to the cinemas this weekend. Instead, we did some housecleaning, fixed the bicycles and had a couple of nice rides together. As a bonus point: we haven't had a major squabble in the past two weeks (then again, maybe it's just me consciously avoiding them). If that isn't an indication of the positive changes in my life, I don't know what is!

During this lesson, the changes in me are subtle, and hopefully longer lasting. I have also been noticing every single, small little help that the angels give to push me closer to what I want to be, and what I want to do with my time. I will become more efficient and consistent as time goes by, and hopefully not take things for granted any more. Never let me lose faith again, my guardians.

Nov 19, 2008, 0008 hrs :)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Time to wake up and act

The title is a note to myself. As I was clamped to my work desk this afternoon, pondering over certain parts of my work that could be done better, this is what flashed across my mind:

I've been going through a mid-life crisis since the past three years. Mid-life, because I neither expect to live beyond five decades, nor expect my poor fellow beings to bear with me for that long. For some reason, I've been suffering bit by bit every day for the past three years. I used to feel like I'm eroding physically and mentally, and that I'm running out of time, unable to do things I believed I could and wanted to, since I was a child. Possibly, those feelings have sunk in so deep and for so long, that they're turning into a reality.

Hence the reminder. Like Lt. Harris of the Police Academy would like to say: Move it! Move it! Move it!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

To prove the movie-buff quirk

Here's what we booked through BookEazy alone between March and November this year (including personal rating opinions :D):
  1. Quantum of Solace ~
  2. The Accidental Husband ***
  3. Kidnap #
  4. Hellboy II: The Golden Army **
  5. Mamma Mia! ***** (My first English musical, and I thoroughly enjoyed the perfection that is  Meryl Streep.)
  6. Tahaan ***** (There's beauty in simplicity.)
  7. Wall-E ***** (The bestest film of the year, methinks.)
  8. Wanted ***
  9. Rock On ***** (Why was Farhan Akhtar in hiding for so long?)
  10. Maan Gaye Mughall-E-Azam ***
  11. Ugly Aur Pagli ~
  12. The Dark Knight ****
  13. Kung Fu Panda ****
  14. Hancock ****
  15. Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na ****
  16. In Bruges ***** (Colin Farrell couldn't have been more cuter / funnier than this; also enjoyed Brendan Gleeson a.k.a. Prof. Mad-Eye Moody and Ralph Fiennes a.k.a. Lord Voldemort.)
  17. The Nanny Diaries **
  18. The Incredible Hulk ***
  19. The Happening #
  20. 21 **** (One of the sleekest films of the year.)
  21. Summer 2007 **
  22. Sex and the City ~
  23. Be Kind Rewind ***
  24. Tashan #
  25. December Boys **
**** (better) and *** (good) For the fans of certain actors or sequels.
** Okay to watch once.
~ Wouldn't have made a fackin' difference (as TRNM would've put it) to my life if I hadn't watched 'em.
# To be AVOIDED at all costs (just in case you didn't, do notice the bold, italics, and CAPS).

Money spent on booking: Rs. 4230... possibly some more as the reservation, and some security deposit that BookEazy refunds on closing the account. Also, parking fees. Not to mention the food consumed before / during / after the shows.

Of course, there were other movies that we watched by booking online through the respective cinema halls' websites. But that's another story.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Bringing up a family versus dumb ol' spawning

To my friend who gave the stupid argument, "Who are we to stop the natural flow of events?" when we were discussing about having children within a year of marriage: So would you just go on impregnating the poor woman that is your wife because you can't stop the "natural flow?" If you can stop it later, then why not pause for a while before? ... and maybe give a thought to why you want to have kids in the first place, how you want to bring them up, would you make a good parent, etc.

Now get this straight: I'm not pro-children or anti-children... to each his own. My point is: the argument was one of the dumbest I heard recently, that too coming from a guy... what makes them think they are logical and smart?

Friday, November 07, 2008

Visit a place at least twice

... to exprience it well. Except public lavatories of course.

The first time you may be pleasantly impressed or expressly put off with it. On the second visit you'll try to notice what you didn't during the first one.

You could even classify your visits as the photography one, wherein you go click-happy, and the non-photography one, wherein you pay attention to views, sounds, smells, and passers-by like there was no tomorrow. That'll make it a more wholesome experience, in most cases.


[During the Village Walk near Mogli Resort @ Bandhavgarh National Park, Madhya Pradesh]

Now if only someone could take care of the time and money involved!!

Back from vacation

... and feeling all ....
[Thanks to hubby for listening to my clicking-instructions ;-)]

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Droolicious

The only more-than-a-decade-older-than-me man I'm ready to
dump my 
already-too-cute-to-resist-hubby for.
(To self: Right, even if you're the last creature on earth he'll even notice!)
[http://doubleposition.com/blog/uploaded_images/Jeffrey-Dean-Morgan-718698.jpg]

If only he could really play
(although he did learn for the role in P. S. I Love You)
...we women (yes, I'm too fat and aunty-like to be called a girl right now)
could never be satisfied, could we?

And what made me write this right now? The Accidental Husband, what else? Go watch. But I'm sure you'll like him better in the short but yummy role in P.S. I Love You. These pictures just don't show you the depth of his I'll-fall-in-and-die dimples. Sigh!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Musical post - II

FF to this week, we were driving back, but with the radio on, this time. I switched to Vividh Bharati while surfing, and lingered there just as "Ek ladki bheegi bhaagi si" started playing. I was THRILLED, to say the least :D

Just as I was thinking "I am yet to come across a more playful song than this one and it's companion in Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi, the exact same song started playing: "Haal kaisa hai janaab ka." I was in musical heaven!

Just as I was hunting down links to the videos of these songs, I came across other Kishore Kumar gems. Here are some...
(Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi)
Paanch rupayya, baara aana
Hum the, woh thi
Baaboo, samjho ishaare
(Half Ticket)
Cheel cheel chillake
Like my southie brethren (me included) would say... Yennjaaaay maadi!!

Musical post - I

Last week, my darling husband got some music loaded onto his pen drive for us to listen to in the car... This was while driving home from the office... The first number to play was "I wanna be your underwear." The first time I heard this song, I was scandalized and despised it for a long time. Somewhere along the way I started liking it, and I love it now to the extent that I could really sing it for the hubby and mean it ;-) So that was a treat... Me yelling "I wanna be your underwear" outta the car window. What would we do without such sensually honest lyrics, dear Bryan Adams?

The collection turned out to be partial So Far So Good, so of course, it contained both the live and recorded versions of "Summer of '69." But I've heard that song an insane number of times to be actually moved by it.

What really plunged the knife into my heart was "Everything I do." I don't think I got to listen to this song in peace during the last 4 years. The last I heard and sung along was sometime during my first and longest lasting relationship... the time when I still had the childhood innocence intact... and I used to mean it will all my heart when I hummed along. That strong feeling is no more, but the beauty of those feelings still lingers in my heart, and it flowed in a steady stream through my eyes as the words reached deep into the recesses and churned up memories of long-lost emotions. Okay. Peace. I didn't mean to sound that corny. But it really broke my heart to hear those words again. In a nice way :)

Love you so much for that musical evening, hubby! Mmmmmmuuuuuuuaaahhh!!

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

The moving on post


Yep, that's my avtaar burning down all bridges to the past... freeing myself of unnecessary guilt, learning my lesson about not being so foolish any more, striving to understand and appreciate the good things in my life, trying to control my urge of burning everything down so that I can rise clean of my emotional baggage again... there have got to be ways other than that of the Phoenix, right? Will try those for a change. What is life, if not one experiment after another?

Special thanks to you for prodding me on.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

At the moment

Song: Feelin' the Same Way
Artist: Norah Jones


The sun just slipped its note below my door
And I can't hide beneath my sheets
I've read the words before so now I know
time has come again for me

And I'm feelin' the same way all over again
Feelin' the same way all over again
Singin' the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend

Except for this part....

Another day that I can't find my head
My feet don't look like they're my own
I'll try and find the floor below to stand
I hope I reach it once again

I rather feel like I'm stuck upto my knees in the ground and can't lift myself up :(

And I'm feelin' the same way all over again
Feelin' the same way all over again
Singin' the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend

oh...

so many times i've wondered where i've gone
and how i found my way back in
i look around awhile for something lost
maybe i'll find it in the end

And I'm feelin' the same way all over again
Feelin' the same way all over again
Singin' the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend

Feelin' the same way all over again
Feelin' the same way all over again
Singin' the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend
No matter how much I pretend

Monday, October 06, 2008

To RB

...my favorite author. Your words are like life boats that appear out of nowhere when I'm lost in the raging seas, only to maroon me on an island. An island whose every speck magical. A place where I find inspiration and a quiet confidence in myself. This song is what I would dedicate to you:



Killing Me Softly With His Song
(Roberta Flack)
[http://www.geocities.com/bjaes.geo/lyrics/rflack.htm]
Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song ...

I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style.
And so I came to see him to listen for a while.
And there he was this young boy, a stranger to my eyes.

Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song ...

I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the crowd,
I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud.
I prayed that he would finish but he just kept right on ...

Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song ...

He sang as if he knew me in all my dark despair.
And then he looked right through me as if I wasn't there.
But he just came to singing, singing clear and strong.

Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song ...

He was strumming, oh, he was singing my song.
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song ...
With his song ...

I could be a friend forever

...only if you want me to. After the initial surge of vengeful feelings died down, I thought of another possibility. One where you took responsibility for your actions, admitted your mistake, and asked for pardon from those your hurt.

Once we get that ego of yours out of the way, a world of true friendship could open up. One without the need to conceal your intimacies with others. One where we can truly share our feelings and our friends. One where we can still be there for each other during both the difficult times and exhilarating moments. One where you don't need to be on your gaurd all the time, because you aren't hiding anything. Where you feel comfortable being yourself because all you have friends all around who truly care for you and are forthright and honest with you.

If only you care for that. There's so much I want to give, but you aren't ready to accept. You're too insecure to find any peace in your life. If only you could let your ego crumble. You'll find a beautiful life waiting for you.

Pushing aside the dilemma of whether I should post this here or not. If I try to be discrete about these things, I'll probably never say anything on this space, and it's is not right: this is my space to vent.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Words

It's not the first English song I ever heard, nor is it the best. But sometimes, it's just something I can't stop humming. So here you go... enjoy!





And for those who love the lyrics...

Smile an ever lasting smile
A smile can bring you near to me
Don't ever let me find you gone
'Cause that would bring a tear to me

This world has lost its glory
Let's start a brand new story now, my love

You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say

It's only words
And words are all I have
To take your heart away

Talk in ever lasting words
And dedicate them all to me
And I will give you all my life
I'm here if you should call to me

You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say

It's only words
And words are all I have
To take your heart away

It's only words
And words are all I have
To take your heart away

Ta da da da da da da...

This world has lost its glory
Let's start a brand new story now, my love

You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say

It's only words
And words are all I have
To take your heart away

It's only words
And words are all I have
To take your heart away

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

My Californian affair

Who else would let a 62-kilo, pockmarked, nearing-her-30s girl with a borderline personality disorder ride (er... drive) her?
((wink, wink))

Monday, September 22, 2008

Phir dekhiye...


Aankhon mein jiski, koi to khwaab hai
Khush hai wohi jo, thoda betaab hai
Zindagi mein koi, arzoo kijiye
Phir dekhiye

Hothon pe jiske, koi to geet hai
Woh haare bhi to, uski hi jeet hai
Dil mein jo geet hai, gunguna lijiye
Phir dekhiye

Yaadon mein jiski, kisi ka naam hai
Sapnon ke jaisi, uski har shaam hai
Koi to ho jise, apna dil dijiye
Phir dekhiye

Khwaab bun yeh zara
Geet sun yeh zara
Phool chun yeh zara
Phir dekhiye

PS: Thanks to sphinx, who reminded me of this. I'm sure she's basking in this song right now too. Others, please grab a CD of Rock On.

Friday, September 19, 2008

The Perception Personality Image Test

My result...

HFPC - The Photographer

Humanity, Foreground, Big Picture, and Color

You perceive the world with particular attention to humanity. You focus on what's in front of you (the foreground) and how that fits into the larger picture. You are also particularly drawn towards the colors around you. Because of the value you place on humanity, you tend to seek out other people and get energized by being around others. You like to deal directly with whatever comes your way without dealing with speculating possibilities or outcomes you can't control. You are in tune with all that is around you and understand your life as part of a larger whole. You are a down-to-earth person who enjoys going with the flow.


The Perception Personality Types:


16715388163861827773.gif___1_500_1_2000_7fa54554_.jpg

Take The Perception Personality Image Test at HelloQuizzy


PS: Found this through Stinky Paw.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Random weekend plan - IV

Updated inline.

I'm putting it here so that it compels me to stick to it. The plan, of course.

First and foremost, we have 3 movies lined up, starting this evening. In a couple of hours to be precise. That's because 2 possibly good movies (Rock On and Wanted) and 1 definitely great movie (Wall E - what else do you expect from the makers of Monsters Inc., The Incredibles, Cars, and Ratatouille?) are releasing this weekend!! And also because while I am in California for 3 weeks, my darling husband won't venture out anywhere without me, except possibly for food.

Rock On was brilliant. Why the hell did Farhan Akhtar not oblige the camera all these years? He sings well too. I liked the way he played the part of a performer on stage when presenting Pichhle Saat Dinon Mein. Four words for Arjun Rampal: Aankhen, Don, Om Shanti Om (although the wig was ridiculous), and Rock On (please try to pick roles / scripts like these). Purab Kholi and Luke Kenny played their parts to perfection. Prachi Desai was a doll, not an actress--could have been better. Shabana Goswami as Debbie kicked ass. The music inspired me to finally get an audio system fitted into my car. A year since I bought it, and all the poor thing has heard is me cackling.

Wanted was passable, although, any James McAvoy fan should not miss it. He was very different from what he looked /played in The Last King of Scotland and Narnia.
Well chiseled body. And the twinkle in his eye. Oh my!

Wall E was our treat. Perfect Pixar entertainment. The way Wall E and Eva called out to each other was absolutely adorable (me and hubby tried to mimic them all through the remaining weekend). So was their attempt to clean up and rehabilitate the earth. The movie was so cute and funny all throughout, that I could successfully keep myself from crying inspite of all the mush. I know I'll be watching it at least 5 more times within the next year.

I'm never sure whether to be glad about it, or push him into being a bit more social. Mostly I settle on letting him do what he likes most--play games incessantly on my laptop (which, I believe, has seen more action with him that I have :P), watch TV like there's no tomorrow, and SLEEP for as long as he likes with the bed all to himself.

Between Wanted and Wall E tomorrow, we have 6 hours during which we plan to get laptop's USB ports fixed, and also help my colleague at office settle into my parent's house, where we lived last year. She's renting it out for a while. As I said, these absolutely boring details are being laid out here so that I am pushed to follow through the plan.

The night after Rock On, I couldn't sleep. Socha Hai just didn't leave my brain until I put the plan (of buying the car audio system) on paper, besides listing a few other tasks, so I wouldn't forget. And guess what? The next morning, I forgot to take the To Do list along with me. Beat that.

Thankfully, we did most of the chores we planned to, and more. We upgraded the laptop's RAM and got the USB HDD's casing replaced to fix the loosened port. Then I left the hubs at my grandmom's place, conspired with my uncle and his kid, and asked them to drive me around while I left the car at the accessories store to get the audio system fitted. It's a smart Sony Xplod MEX-BT 3600U with Subwoofer / Speakers, which accepts USB and Blutooth input as well.
This was my surprise for hubby, and for a change, I was sure he'd be pleased, not shocked with it. Besides it would save me the trouble of singing for 6 hours straight while we made the long trip tomorrow.

Sunday still seems a little daunting, because of my own idea to drive to Panchgani / Mahabaleshwar and back. That'll be the farthest I've planned to drive so far. Between 100-120 kms one way. The only thing that makes me look forward to it is that my sweetest, cutest hubs agreed to the idea without a second thought, in a split second. It's so rare to get such a quick response from him that I almost did a double-take. But I like it :) I might even let him drive :)

Although, the factor that might keep us from executing this plan is the condition of the roads. If they're not good, we might be tempted to turn back even if we're half-way through. I'll upload pictures if we make it, and share some virtual strawberrys and ice-creams with you ;-)

Yes, yes, we made the trip. We started at 7:30 instead of the planned 6:30, but it was only because Angels and Demons kept us awake well past midnight. I'm reading the illustrated, hard bound version to the hubs these days, thanks to a colleague who lent it to me. The beginning of the trip was slightly rocky, because we fought about how much cash we should withdraw from the ATM. Once that fight was out of our way and we hit the highway, things chilled out. We had a good breakfast, and that possibly calmed the hubs down even further.

I drove all the way up to the table top, halting intermittently for pictures. Once we reached Panchgani, and before we headed to the volcanic plateau, we made a pit stop for some deliciously perfect strawberry and fig ice-creams. It was mostly cloudy when we reached the top, so the shade helped us explore in peace. There were a lot of monkeys and I was thrilled to see them, but they didn't give me much bhaav, possibly because I wasn't carrying any food, and wanted their pictures for free. A while later, the sun began beating down on us, but we found respite in one of the cool ponds. Within an hour or less, we turned back to the parking lot, where we had a fresh nimboo sharbat before plonking our arses into the car. I wasn't really sure whether we should spend more time driving 20 kms ahead to Mahabaleshwar, and spend more time in the sun, visiting a couple of popular tourist spots. We turned back instead, and I let the hubs drive. A full 60 kms and 2 toll booths later, he did the mistake of asking me if I wanted to drive. I have a bit of motion sickness, and even sitting in the front passenger seat can be nauseating at times. So I galdly accepted.

Once we were home, we spent some time reading (obsessed that I am, to finish the book before I leave for the U.S.), then showered, and dozed off. Then my uncle who had been on the same route as us since morning, only traveling as far ahead as Kolhapur, called up to warn that heavy rains had disrupted traffic close the Katraj ghat, the southernmost tip of Pune city. We were happy we got home before even the first big hint of rain showed up (if I let go the exact 2 drops that pelted our windshield, out of the blue). Ha! Here are some pictures...








That's Pratapgad, a grand view from the table top.




The ridge of the volcanic plateau and the town below.


We did enjoy some walking-on-the-grass.








Yes, those are white tiger statues (or probably stuffed toys) on the roof of the entrance to the theme / water park. They also had blue water fountains. No idea why.


The father, son, and the holy white cotton balls. :P


My lovely Sahyadris.

Today's fortune

Not that I believe in a shred of all these predictions that appear in various publications or on the web, but here's the gem that was thrown at me today: "You are soon going to change your present line of work."

Right. And do what? Work as an entry-level call center associate ('cause I have no epxerience) or a bar dancer (no experience there either, but who at a bar cares about the dancing anyway)? Don't be shocked. How else am I going to pay my EMIs? What occupation other than one in the software industry pays beginners (assuming I have no knowledge whatsoever of anything else) enough to sustain my kind of lifestyle?

So, much as I would love to get into education or some kind of arty profession, I'm stuck in here. Unless the hubs starts earning more than double his current pay, takes care of the EMIs, and still allows me to splurge on things I want. Hmpf!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

A midnight encounter

It was TV time like every night (after office)
He lay on the sofa, flipping channels, unblinking
She sprawled across the bean bags
Thinking, as always, in stand-by mode
About the day gone by, the resolution they made yesterday
And how it might go outta the window tomorrow

He kept hopping between frequencies
Pausing at whatever got lucky enough to hold his attention
She watched some with him
And disapprovingly clicked her tongue at others
Some shows made them laugh
Others left them gaping in astonishment

Gradually they settled onto Great Expectations
Just because it intrigued them
For him it was a story whose conclusion evaded his logic
She saw it as a dream she wanted to lose herself in, without purpose
To participate in the story, to accept the author's conclusion
And build a proof in her mind of how it was the only logical outcome

Along came a commercial break and broke the spell
He got up to have a sip of water
And moved around, relaxing his stiffened limbs
Her laid-back, comfortable position caught his attention
She was a tad surprised to see him eyeing her
But happily let it happen as he came closer and stood by

Then he lay over her in one swift movement
And kissed her forehead (or so she thought)
In her eagerness for what-lay-next, she usually lost the present
But today she was alert enough to not let the moment slip by
And so she savored the experience, as they kissed and embraced

What she did a little different today
Was not expect some more
That took away the disappointment she usually felt with him
And what she gained in those few moments made a lovely memory
So she prompty put it in her journal, to revisit on another dull day

PS: I simply couldn't pass this off as poetry, and hence it's here instead of there.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Random weekend plan - III

Again, this is an update, not a plan. But I like to reuse the title.

'Twas a leisurely day. Me and hubs woke up just before noon. While I washed the kitchen platform (yes, I do that often... obsessed with cleanliness that I am), the hubs began his daily dose of lounging on the sofa and watching TV. Then, while I bathed, the darling picked up the broom and swept the house!! I almost fainted in the bathroom. I will keep wondering whether it was (a) the guilt of doing less than his share of work, or (b) the fear of my sarcastic remarks about the affinity between the couch and his pretty ass, or (c) the genuine recognition that the floor was dirty and needed to be cleaned up. It's these random and rare acts of concern that still keep me bound to him. Other than the fact that he is completely loyal to me. Bugger. Tedha hai, par mera hai! Sorry, couldn't help quoting the Kurkure ad ;-)

We had corn flakes for breakfast and watched absolutely random crap on TV. My friend Gudiya, who's living with us for a month, woke up at 3:00 or so. Hubs then turned his attention to his favorite task these days. Fixing the display on her laptop. Meanwhile, I backed up the data on my laptop, so that we could clean it up and reinstall the OS. Been more than a year since we did that. When we had enough of the gizmos and the stomach began calling for attention again, we out for a really late lunch. Smokin' Joe's pizza @ 5:00pm. We tried the Schezwan and called for our usual Woodcutters. The mistake we did was to finish the Schezwan before the Woodcutters. It was like having curd-rice after a tear-inducing pani-puri. Anyone reading this, please make a note not to try this.

The hubs craved for his rounds Age of Mythology, so Gudiya and I went for a long drive through drizzle and scenic beauty. We halted for bhutta at a spot where we could turn back homewards. As we sat in the car boot munching on the perfect monsoon snack, we noticed that we were directly facing a lovely sight: water gushing out through a dam, with the lighting on! I wish I had taken the camera along :( It was good drive home through the (absent) night lights.

By the time we reached, we both had made up our minds about some piping hot chai. The hubs, a direct descendant of Murphy (yes, the Murphy's law-maker), had finished all the milk in the household. I keep barking at him that he was a cat in one of his previous incarnations. Yes, you got the hint. I might have been an ungrateful dog back then. But he did pay for his misbehavior by fetching milk and some potato chips for us. The chai freshened me up so well that I dropped all pretences of not wanting to go to office (something I kept postponing since morning) and begin something I had planned to complete almost a quarter (of a year) ago!

Oh, and happy independence day, y'all. I don't actually believe we are independent (there's so much mental slavery yet). But, as a small tribute, the least microbit I can do, to pay regards to those amazing freedom fighters who made it possible for us to live in a democratic country, I sit in silence for a minute, and bow my head to their valor and sacrifice. Vande maataram!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Rambling again

08/08/08

I've got exactly one month left before I begin my second trip to California. It'll be over even before I know it, but this time I plan to do all that I didn't do during my last trip. At least, I keep saying that to myself. And yes, this includes losing weight to become more fit and also to fit into my old jeans. It's not related to traveling to a foreign country at all. Any event on the horizon is a target for improving my fitness. The first was my first California visit in Feb 2006, the next was my wedding in Dec 2006, the next was Diwali of 2007 when we were supposed to visit the hubs' hometown, after that it was the beginning of 2008, now it is the second visit to California. And I've NEVER met any of these deadlines. Gah!

But that's not what why I'm here tonight. I'm here simply because I want to make a fresh start. I want to reboot my current mental OS session and have a fresh RAM to work with. I never thought that I'd carry so much baggage ever again once I took back my life in control, after my first long and strong relationship broke down. For a couple of years after that I was slowly moving towards an improved, confident, and stronger me. Then along came my next boyfriend and now husband, and everything went downhill from there.

The wonderful control I had started getting over my mind, slowly slipped away from my hands. The tables were turned. Often, I experienced sparks of realization that something was going wrong, but I thought I could put it right any time I wanted to. How foolish of me!

Anyway, without dwelling too much on the past, I'm just making a mental note of where exactly I went wrong. I need to avoid making the same mistakes. What's worse is that I can clearly see the events when I'm about to go wrong, but I don't do much to not step into the turd again.

This moment, here, I want to conspire with myself to keep my eyes open, and my conscience aware, so that when I go down that wrong path again, it pinches me hard and drags me back to do what's right. So, dear self, after a lot many days of being a believer, a non-believer, and sometimes a fence-sitter, I bow down and pray: "Please help me each moment hereon to remain alert of my surroundings and perform my actions consciously. Help me to keep my sense of purpose intact, and not let me lose it in some forgotten corner of the mind. Otherwise, there's no reason I'd feel like waking up to face each day. I want to be a bird who flies with the wind, not a stray leaf that blows around aimlessly."

PS: Yes, hubs, I wrote this while you were snoring away to glory that night. I planned to wake up at 5:00 the next day and set a schedule for work and looking after our home. But, I ended up snoozing the alarm endlessly to finally get out of bed at 9:30, and fall right back into my lethargy-driven excuse of a life.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

So much for plans and fleeting inspirations

This is something I wrote long back. I don't even remember when. But I guess it was within this past year. Anyway, just putting it here for the record. To remind myself what a loser I've been.

I've got to write. What, I do not know. But, there's something waiting to burst out of me since some months now. I've shoved a lot of stuff under the carpet. And it's showing now. Smelling too. The past six months seem like a blur. Six years, actually. All through the day, there are zillions of thoughts zooming in and out of my mind, taking me through highs and lows. There are moments when all I want in the world is to talk about them, or pen them down. And all I will be doing is staring at my computer screen. Working, chatting, playing games, trying to convince myself that I will find time to be all by myself, conjure up an idea, toy with it, see if I can stretch it, manipulate it, develop a generalized principle from it. Everything but doing it. I push back so many thoughts, ideas, emotions into dark corners of my mind, imagining that I will find time to draw them out again and do what I was supposed to do with them; but that never happens. What happens is that I lie wide awake at night, and none of those dark corners are accessible any more. I lie lost. I lie helpless. I lie depressed. I lie frustrated. Because I didn't act when I had the opportunity. It's not as if I have great ideas that could change the world. But some of them could, at least, change my world. And as I have said to myself countless times, I think too much and act too little--in fact, I don't act at all. All I do is think, then I think about something else, lose track of what I should be thinking, I talk, and in the process, lose track of what I should be doing. Exactly in that order. I'm good at making plans. And that's all I'm good at. There's probably only one thing I planned out well, and acted accordingly. That got me where I am today, professionally. But the rest is just a blur. A blur of events. A blur of people. A blur of thoughts. A blur of inertial moments. Till, one day, I get shaken by an event, or a person. Something happens that makes me sit down and write some crap, like this one, about how hopeless I am, inspite of all the intellect I have, the abilities I acquire, and the opportunities that come my way. And that's about it. This must be the third or fourth time in the past two years that I have chided myself. But, I never seem to go beyond this chiding and actually do something, with determination, regularly. I lack consistency. I lack perseverance. And, I hate to say this, but I lack passion. I wasn't like this. I get tears in my eyes every time I think of this, but it's true. I was a very passionate person. Over the last two or three years, however, that emotion has been smothered inside my mind. I don't know how I did it, or why I did it. Now, all I do is sit and cry (or worse, feel nothing) when I remember who I am, what I am capable of, and what I am (not) doing.

In the midst of all external changes and enhancements in my life, my spirit lies neglected. The flame is slowly dying away. I may not be of any use to anyone, or the universe in general, but I would not like it if I'm a hindrance. I do not like the feeling of being just another rock on the face of this earth. I am a human being and have been given this gift of life for a reason. It may not be contributing to anything, but there's a reason I live. I've tried to find the reason, at times, by following the path others have trodden, at times, by developing my own theories. But, what went wrong, I know for sure, is that I have given up before I reached the destination. Like I said before, I lack perseverance.

I don't know what more to write. I'm gonna leave this half-way too. But, for a change, am not just giving up. I'm turning to something that will give me inspiration. A book. What book? Doesn't matter. I know I'll find inspiration there. There's plenty of it anywhere I want to find it. What I am actually giving myself is another opportunity. To start reviving myself. It's like CPR.

Pray that I never give up this time.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Virginity

Found the following description here, and absolutely loved it. Though I can't call myself a feminist, reading related, sensible articles never fails to surprise me with how much we have come to accept men as superior to us, or their decisions or thoughts being more "correct." Yikes!

Even more than Satyavati, Kunti is a virgin in the Jungian sense. Originally, this word connoted precisely the opposite of what it has come to mean. Ishtar and Aphrodite, the goddesses of love in ancient Mesopotamia and Greece, were called virgins. The later patriarchal cultures denounced them as immoral and wanton. The boon of virginity is not just a physical condition but refers to an inner state of the psyche which remains untrammeled by any slavish dependence on another, on a particular man. She is one-in-herself, an integrated personality who "belongs to herself while she is virgin-unwed and may not be compelled either to maintain chastity or to yield to an unwanted embrace… This liberty of action involves the right to refuse intimacies as well as to accept them… It may be used of a woman who has had much sexual experience; it may be even applied to a prostitute. Its real significance is to be found in its use as contrasted with married."

Wow!

PS: Found this link thanks to Thought Room who left a comment on Unmana's blog.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

To you, Shithead

It's that time of the month again. No, not the one where I leak obsolete fluids outta my body and throw more tantrums than usual. It's the time when the writing bug bites me. The kind that compels me to put pen to paper while retching at the thought of using the keyboard, yelling "...but that's not writing!!"

[So why am I typing this out? Because, I do not have the facility to either scan what I wrote on paper or make a digital copy of my handwriting and upload it (which equally sucks).]

I am listening to Robbie Williams' "To be a better man" over and over again. A dear friend once sent it to me. I'm missing him so much, but at the moment, I'm not in the mood to get back in touch (there goes a rhyme). Some terrible disagreements have put me off that person so much that I'm sure I'll never have the same respect for him again. Yet, I suspect there will be a time when we will be chatting up about Life, the Universe, and (maybe not) Everything just like old times.

Deez once said to me---and I'll never forget this---each one of us is equally capable of making horrible mistakes in life. For some reason, I can't accept this truth about the friend I mentioned earlier. I mean, anything, but what he did! Maybe it was my foolish illusion that he was very much like me, and would never do what he did. Besides, I was constantly pointing out to him where he was going wrong. Yet, he consciously chose to do it.

Despite all that, I've got to pick up the pieces of our broken friendship and put them together. It may not look as beautiful as it once was, but the cracks will serve as a reminder of what it has been through, and hopefully, as a reminder to him not to repeat that particular mistake.

Probably the truest words ever written about politics / governance

The major problem---one of the major problems, for there are several---one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them.

To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. [I'd like to mention here---and I am in no position to speak of the past Presidents---that I do not think this holds true about APJ Abdul Kalam] To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.

And so this is the situation we find: a succession of Galactic Presidents who so much enjoy the fun and palaver of being in power that they very rarely notice that they're not. [It's sad that Abdul Kalam was probably aware of this fact, but did his job anyway. If only people would listen to him.]

And someone in the shadows behind them---who?

Who can possibly rule if no one who wants to do it can be allowed to?

[THE Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Chapter 28]

Monday, July 28, 2008

More new addition to the family

The Hibiscus was insect-ridden and these were drying to death. I waited for two weeks for the regular gardener to turn up and save them. This Sunday the hubs had been out for some work in the morning, and I threatened him to go get another gardener if he wanted to set foot in the house again. Poor chap found one and dragged him home.
The Hibiscus was saved with some insecticide-laced fertilizer, but the others had to be buried... er... uprooted and forgotten. We couldn't stand having an empty planting pot at home, and we also thought the balcony seemed to be a little too big for the very few plants we currently have. So the sweet hubs took me along (I drove, of course) to refill the empty pot and buy a couple more.

So now we have...

the Pink China Aster,

the Purple China Aster,

and the Twins (know what they're called?)

We also noticed that the plant droppings (yes, that's what they are) in between the pots were growing by the day, and it was becoming more and more messy to clean up. Besides, we had the clotheslines right overhead, which made it difficult to hang the clothes, and would sometimes threaten the erection (pun unintended :P) of the plants (when the clothes flew off and landed on them, of course). So we moved the little darlings from their old positions, so that now they huddle together...

like this :)

I'm all set for the next few weeks. We ended up paying way too much: the hubs obviously did not ask the gardener what he would charge prior to plonking him on the bike and bringing him home. And now, he threatens to throw me and my precious plants outta the balcony if I don't take care of them.

Here's what I will be found doing for quite some time to come:
  1. Water everyday
  2. Loosen soil every week
  3. Add fertilizer / pesticide every fortnight
  4. Clean the droppings as often as possible (or the stink will be a bonus during the monsoons)
  5. Repeat steps 1 through 4 as long as the plants live or I do.