Friday, April 21, 2017

It surprises me when I get things done

I have grown to fear failure to such an extent that the smallest of tasks intimidate me. Like today morning, when I had to wash a soiled mattress cover. I had already soaked it in antiseptic and hot water last night, folded - to avoid getting any "material" directly on my hands. That was the smartest part of the task, which I had already gotten over with. This morning, instead of making breakfast, I asked the husband to get some snacks, because I wanted to take care of that soaked cover first, so that I could add it to a wash cycle in the machine with other doggie-cleaning fabrics. I told him that it would take me "at least" 15 mins to do that, during which he could get us breakfast so that we don't delay the tasks to be done further in the day. As if I couldn't put at end date on a cloth-washing task!

Then I actually went into the bathroom, got started on it methodically, as I had thought out in my head but dared not verbalize - for fear of failure - and I was actually done in 15 minutes. I was thrilled to find out I could complete a task, and to do it in the time I estimated! And it meant that my estimate was correct!

I've become wary of putting out estimates, because I've been failing to deliver (as per my own expectations, which are typically higher than what others expect of me, I've noticed). And, oh, just as I am typing this, I had an epiphany. The reason why I fail at achieving what I planned with a task, is because I do too many things at a time. My priorities are constantly shifting​. And spend way too much time in my head, overthinking and overanalyzing. Reminds me of those instances when we pass an exit or a turn we're about to take, and the map app audio going: "recalculating..." I think I could do with slowing down a bit and focussing on fewer things.