Friday, December 14, 2007

To us

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. (Old Chinese proverb? Lao-Tzu? Confucius? I'm confused! To whoever thought that up, thankyou for letting me use it :-P) We took that step a year before today, formally. The journey began for us long before that. But back then we walked in opposite directions--towards each other. What we took this day last year was a step in a totally different direction--ours.

Now, I don't know where we are going or what our goal is, and frankly, I don't care. For I am someone who believes in enjoying the ride. The arrival of a destination is the end of a journey, and I'm not yet ready for that. However, we've crossed a milestone, in social terms, and here's something to celebrate the occasion...

Wishing us lotsa love and fun times! Let's relish this life together while it lasts :)

Tuesday, December 04, 2007


Picked this picture from here.

Dear Sun (or Mitr, as we call you in Sanskrit),

As I sat on the rock, facing you this foggy morning, and I saw you rise, here's what I wanted to say to you. It's been a very rare thing lately for me to see you alight from the other side of the earth every morning, but whenever that happens, I'm so full of awe for you. The delightful play of colors you indulge us in, the warmth you spread on a cold winter morning, the essential energy you provide the earth and all the creatures on it--it all makes me feel so pampered and content. Besides offering you my thanks for all of the above and more, I wish to ask a few more things of you.

Will you wake us earthly creatures with your warm caresses every morning, forever? Will you be our constant source of energy and exhilaration? Would you teach me how to be so consistent, so nurturing, so willing to give? And to be harsh when the situation demands it? Would you teach me how to live in harmony with nature? To be born and to perish with grace? And live like there's no other life... burn with zest, burn with passion, burn with agony, burn with compassion? Burn, and emit the beautiful light that sustains life? And when the life fades out of me, burst like beautiful fire crackers and give people tears of joy to think of how I lived, rather than to cry about my passing away quietly?

I know there are many scientific explanations of how you were created and how you might perish, but all that aside, if you were a human being like me, how would you talk? What would you have to share with me from the millions of years of the universe that you have been spinning? I'm always on this quest of learning about what I am, why I am here, and where I should be heading to. But I doubt those answers will ever come in this lifetime. Not unless I try relentlessly, sincerely, passionately. So, while I am at it, will you be my friend and teach me all that you can? Will you be the inspiration? Will you teach me persuasion? I don't know where this list of will yous will end. Maybe it won't. But, let me ask, as long as I can. It's a way of accepting that I'm a tiny speck, powerless in comparison with you. But, with a mind that wonders, opens up to ideas, to situations, to whatever life has to offer. And loves to live every bit of it.

Here's wishing very many lively conversations (to me) with you. May we talk someday. Amen. :)

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

One good analysis after a long time ;-)

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.
Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.
You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.

You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.
Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.
You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.

At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.
Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.
A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Company Calendar Candidates 2008

I plan to send these to the Calendar Committee of my office... they're playing up a competition wherein employees submit self-clicked pictures, and if they find 13 really good ones, they might just use the winners' pics for the calendar months of 2008!

This is the rooftop of my closest family friend who lives in Goa. We visited them last year, after a decade or so. They're the closest, nevertheless. [Category: City]

This hibiscus was right outside the Science Museum in Bangalore, which we visited last year with a couple of my dearest friends-cum-ex-colleagues from Pune. [Category: Nature]

This one (of many similar ones) is very dear to my heart: an evening on the rooftop of the apartment building where I lived in Bangalore. The picture takes me back into that moment each time I see it. I can feel the colors, the breeze, the smell of the earth, all like it was then. [Category: Nature]

It was a dark, noisy evening with slight rains accompanied by lots of lightning. Dragged my poor hubby to the rooftop, and made him stand with me (and click pictures, too) through the scary episode just because I found it exciting. I was thrilled to bits each time God flashed his camera :) [Category: Nature]

That's my nephew-in-law, whom I met on the day of our wedding. He was sleeping most of time that day, but I got shoot him in all his flavor the next day. Just loved those two pairs of teeth peeping through his mischievous mouth. [Category: People]

That's him showing off his strength in lifting the heavy coconut and messing up the bed with it. [Category: People]

The butterfly park hidden in the Bannnerghatta National Park gave us double relief: it cooled the humid heat out of us (we went there at the peak of summer) and allowed me to take pictures in peace (unlike the bus, which drove us through the park, where the driver would move on as soon as I'd taken my position, zoomed in on a lazing animal, and was about to click). [Category: Wildlife]

This is my favorite! A tiger in the woods, about 50 feet away, just being himself while we drove past... sadly we were enclosed in a caged bus, and I couldn't get close and curious ;-) But then, that's probably why I'm alive to share this gem with you :D [Category: Wildlife]

I'd picked about 50+ of a thousand pics I may have taken, and then asked a photography-enthusiast friend of mine to help me choose the best of those. He's entering the competition too, and I probably don't stand any chance with people like him competing, but I love my pics too much to just let them rot in my portable hard disk!

Wish me luck... pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

Friday, September 07, 2007

Sep 06, 2007

I’m in a state of euphoric peace tonight, and this feeling has built up since this evening. Very unlike a couple of days back when, right from the moment I woke up, I had a strange, uneasy anxiety taking over my consciousness. All through that day, I had a persistent headache and a nagging feeling that something bad was about to happen. Thankfully, no such ill event came to light, at least, not as far as I know. The events that have taken place all through today, however, have beautifully built up a feeling of wellness within me—about my self and people and circumstances (that are soon to unfold) around all of us. Caution: the following text may be extremely boring, please proceed at your own risk.

This morning, I drove the car for the first time during peak traffic hours, dropped my mom off at a bottleneck junction, and dropped my hubby for an interview before reaching office.

When it was time, we went to the Sub-registrar’s office to register the property, which we recently chose, in our name. We also read through the important sections of the Sale Agreement before signing it off.

Then, I did something I wanted to do since a long time—drop my hubby to his office! On the way back, I was hungry and tempted to eat a pizza, so, for the first time in my life, I ordered a take-away, got into my car and gulped one whole personal pan pizza within minutes, alone, without a sip of any drink that normally accompanies such a meal! Today was also the first time I used the 5th gear in my car ;-)

The day at work was also unusually pleasant… with quite a few confusions that I clarified quickly, and got a compliment for, from my work manager in the US!

It was also today, that after a gap of months, I had a fun-filled, but serious chat with my closest pal. He also happened to introduce me to this kickass music site.

Then came the get-together with old girl friends, one of whom just returned after a long stay in the US, and the other who’s about to fly there for a short-term work assignment. We ended up exchanging gyaan about traveling to the US, and then some girly gossip about the whole in-laws concept :D

I spent quite some time playing one of my favorite word games, which I thoroughly enjoyed, since I got to play it after a gap of three whole months!!

That done, I left for home after 10:00 pm and reached home within 25 minutes (desk-to-door)! Firstly, there was less traffic, and secondly, this time, I felt so much at home in my car… as if I’ve been driving it since forever!! There was a certain comfort level that I achieved with my car today, which I cannot explain in words.

Mum made my favorite dish for dinner, and I happily gorged on it while catching up with my hubby about the rest of the day that we spent away from each other. Then a bit of TV—watched the end of Die Hard 1, and was glad to notice that the primary villain was none other than Alan Rickman, who played Severus Snape in the Harry Potter movies. I love this guy in that role—can’t imagine Severus Snape to be anyone else! That done, I spent about a couple of hours chatting up with my mum about the things that matter to her and to me. I think I owe her this time.

And all through this, the feeling of things-falling-in-place grew to such an overwhelming level, that I got too restless to sleep. I had to write down these things to get the excessive euphoria out of my system before it ruins my sleep!! Now that I have done so, I pray and hope that my body and brain get the rest they deserve. Adios!

Aug 11, 2007

My brain must have been fried to half its size by now. I've spent about 5 hours on the phone since this morning. When my phone's battery threatened to give up, I switched phones with my hubby, who's busy waiting for an interview since forever. We reached the gates of this company around 10:00 am; he waited for an hour and a half for the first interview. Upon my reminding him of my existence after the first interview was over, he joined me downstairs in the cafeteria for a quick pineapple juice. I'm glad, because that's all he had since the mind-blowing breakfast of bun-omelette, cream rolls, and bournvita that I so lovingly prepared for him this morning, as a token of my good wishes for his interview. I hope that does him good. It's past 5:00 pm now, and I've survived on a litre of water and sweetlime juice.

So, what was I doing on the phone for so long? Have I inherited a fortune to burn away like that? Well, no. It was a planned attempt to tick off items on my to-do list, one of which included making phone calls--to the numerous construction companies whose information I had collected off the Internet (thank God for this wonder). I must have called about 30 of those and short-listed about 10. Those 10, will be paid a visit tomorrow. I am determined to end my house-hunt this week. I also found time to check my old Inbox (from the previous job) and remove part of the unwanted stuff. That was besides organizing my papers for two different applications to two different banks, and my broadband application (note that this added some items to my to-do list). Inspite of all that, the wait wasn't over. So I decided to utilize the time to make courtesy calls to all of the in-laws and their family friends that live in the same city. The wait, though, was not yet over. So I called my mumma and spoke to her for half an hour. The wait was still not over. In frustration, tired of walking, and of the congested air inside the cafeteria, I came outside to spread out (cross-legged, not literally) on the lawn. I guess that's the best part of the day.

Thankfully, I still had enough power in my wonderful laptop to log on and vent myself. I'm feeling much better now. And I also noticed that I was ignoring my sweet little laptop for a long time now. Seems like I don't give my first big (read most expensive) device as much value and attention as I should. It has helped me in many desperate moments of work and many boring and irritating situations like these. I'm glad I bought it. And now, my stomach has started rumbling so loudly that I'll have to stop (besides, the battery's almost drained out). Sorry to bore you all with this extremely stupid post. Get away and have fun.

Damn! I knew this...

You Are Great With Money

You know the value of a dollar - and you save and spend wisely.
By living below your means, you've set yourself up for a rich future.
And while it may hurt to sacrifice now, you'll probably have plenty of money later on.
You're on your way to riches - just keep it up.

Sometimes I think I'm a big spendthrift, but I may not be one, truly.

This is something I picked from a long while ago, but never posted. It rings so true yet again inspite of the financial situation changing drastically... we'll be paying one person's salary off as the EMI for our car, house, and other things that we might take a loan for. Call me foolish, but I know how I've managed this money, and got the things I wanted, so I'll pat my back on my own ;-)

Monday, August 27, 2007

Aug 25, 2007: A day of many Firsts

The past Saturday saw many things happening for the first time, including:
  1. The arrival of my in-laws at our house (strategically preceded by my mom's arrival the previous day :-))
  2. The delivery of our new car (safely driven home by my uncle) and the related -
    1. Successful parking experiment by my hubby
    2. Unexpected denting while retrieving the vehicle from the parking lot (shhh!)
    3. Uneventful drive by me
    4. Good ride by my friend Meg
  3. The meeting with my dear friend Meg in Pune since we both shifted to Bangalore (I shifted to Bangalore - she got married - she shifted to Bangalore - I got married - I moved back to Pune - waiting for her to move back)
  4. The meeting with our (Meg's and mine) dear friend TheBug and his new bride for the first time since they got married (I doubt his bride'll ever want another meeting again--we almost made TheBug yank her out of the bedroom to meet us in the parking lot and then didn't allow her to open her mouth!!)
These are the things, which, inspite of my illness kept me in high spirits through a sleepless night. Sadly, no pictures to go with this post, but I'm sure this will bring warmth when I read it over again in the future.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Yet another sequel to blueness :)
Your Blog Should Be Blue

Your blog is a peaceful, calming force in the blogosphere.
You tend to avoid conflict - you're more likely to share than rant.
From your social causes to cute pet photos, your life is a (mostly) open book.

Thursday, July 26, 2007


Yes, that's what I am, these days. But naturally, considering that we've recently changed cities, switched jobs, and are house-and-car-hunting. Not to forget that it's tax payment time. The backlog of chores is never cleared. There's always something left to be done. This, despite the fact that I took a month off between leaving the previous job and reporting to the new one! I'd planned a million things to refresh myself before I got into the daily grind again, none of which ever happened. There were books to be read, blog posts to be written, swimming to done, massages to be taken, sunsets to be enjoyed, exercise and diet to be planned, trips to be made, and a lot more unwinding to be done. The book I began to read had to be returned to the library since I had to move to another city. The blog posts required an Internet connection; the cyber cafe I visited had keyboards from hell. I went for swimming one evening and caught a bad cold the very next day. The massage sessions were to be abandoned abruptly since the cold was followed by a bout of fever. By the time I finished the days' chores, I was too tired to drag myself to the rooftop to watch the sunsets. There were numerous exercise and diet plans in my mind but none of them ever got implemented. Fortunately, we could do a nice little day trip thanks to my uncle, but that was the one and only highlight of my so-called vacation between jobs. But I have to go on this way until I find a house worth buying, before the property rates soar well above our "aukaad". Just to make this post not look so sad, I'm gonna end it with pretty pictures I took during the trip to Tamhini ghat.

Yes, it was a four-lane road when we began... then it trickled down to an almost-two-lane ghat.

We saw such beauty while driving down... to no particular destination.

So we had to park our car...

...and get our feet in there!

Even the rocks couldn't help but sustain life!

We drank the water from this tiny spring trickling down the stones. And the water was pure bliss. Did I mention that the water taps in house brought in murky water? But this was pristine!

A lonely, half-dead tree amongst the greenery. This fella would also sprout into more branches a while later. It was just the beginning of monsoon!

That's a river bed, my friends, and those aren't people potty training, those are barks of trees that grew out of there decades ago.

One of the few cute little stray mushrooms we encountered.

This is where we made our final halt...

...before turning back to the way home.

And on the return journey, this is what gave us company all along.

So we took some pits stops, yet again ;-)

Oh, and all this was accompanied by a sumptuous meal of misal-poli, kaanda-bhaji, and steaming hot chai and coffee :D Basically, this whole trip made up for the relaxation and rest that I couldn't get during my vacation. Now, when I get my car, you know where to find me on weekends. Not to forget: for all the inconvenience and irritating things and people that overwhelmed me, this was the one good thing that made me feel euphoric.
He he eh eheh!
Sorry, but that's the latest addition to my peculiar habits--the villainous laugh.

Friday, May 18, 2007

The universe (still) speaks to me

I got the answer I was seeking from the universe in my previous post. Around the same time that I felt this strng urge to get the feeling out of my system, the Hyderabad blasts took place.
Pasting the news article here so that it isn't lost when they delete the piece:

Bomb blasts rock Hyderabad, 5 killedPTI
[FRIDAY, MAY 18, 2007 03:10:03 PM]
HYDERABAD: Five persons were killed and four others, including two children, were injured when a bomb exploded in the historic Mecca mosque in the Charminar area of the old city here. The bomb exploded when thousands of people were gathered in the mosque for Friday prayers, DCP South Zone, Kanta Rao said. The bomb exploded around 1.30 PM and people ran outside in panic. Stones were pelted at the nearby shops and police personnel by an angry group of people. The local Majlis MP, Asauddin Owaissi, however, claimed that six people had died and 15 were injured seriously. The Mecca mosque is historic, said to be over 400 years old, and considered holy by people of Hyderabad, the rest of Andhra Pradesh and elsewhere. Andhra Pradesh Chief Minister Y S Rajshekhar Reddy, who is in Delhi, talked to the DGP Basith and other senior state government officials and took stock of the situation. Home Minister Jana Reddy said that police reinforcements are being sent to the area and the situation would be brought under control. Police were yet to identify the people who could have been behind the blast. They said an unattended bag has been found from the spot. Police Commissioner Balwinder Singh told reporters on the spot that the bag has been sent for defusing. Most of the injured have been admitted to the Osmania hospital. Four of them are in a serious condition, Dr Sreenivas of the hospital said.

Baawaraa mann

Everything seemed normal this morning till I reached office and sat at my desk. Then I opened GMail to check the usual mails and be online on GTalk. I noticed that the friend I usually talked with wasn't online and so called him. We had a nice long chat. It's past lunch time now, and still there's not a thing out of place. But ever since that moment when I logged onto my workstation this morning, my mind has been shivering. I have no idea what it is about, but I am disturbed. Once I got back to my desk, after talking to the friend I mentioned before, I heard the strains of the song "Baawaraa mann..." (Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi) coming from a colleague's desk. This song always grips me for some reason. I quickly opened a media player and added this song to the playlist, along with a few other good songs so as not to get bored. I have been working since, with the music playing in my eardrums, but something's wrong. I'm feeling so full of some unexplainable emotion that I wanted to cry. In fact, I did. Just a few minutes back. I could take it no more. I turned on the aforementioned song on full volume into my earphones, covered my eyes, and shed a few tears. I have this huge feeling of something being wrong somewhere. And I know that I won't come to know what it is so soon. It may or may not be related to me, or someone very close to me, but something's happening. I don't even want to hope that it isn't too bad, for I feel that it's unavoidable and it's happening for a reason. The feeling was so strong that I had to get it out of my system. That is why this post. Maybe nothing happens. And then, in a couple of days, I might just delete this post. But for now, it stays.

My mental radar started working and trying to scan the universe to know what's happening. I took a cue from the song, and my sudden strong urge to listen to it repeatedly. Till now I hadn't seen the movie and didn't even bother to know what it is about. I looked at IMDB and came to know it was about the political crisis that occurred in my country a few decades ago. Now, the song has got nothing to do with politics. But I'm just trying to guess the connection of all this with my state of mind--anything wrong going to happen in India's political scene? Anything that affects our lives adversely? But then, why am I emotionally unstable due to it? Politics is the last thing I want to think or know about. Seriously. Most politicians disgust me. Knock, knock, universe? Any answers? Till then, I'm off to some Googling. And work. That doesn't stop for anyone.

  • Oh, well. Another piece of news for me. Till now, I never realized, inspite of listening to this song umpteen times, that it was sung by Shubha Mudgal, not a man!
    Oops! Just double-checked... there is a version of the song sung by Swanand Kirkire, a man :D I like Shubha's version too. She has a very strong voice and I like that!
  • A search for "shivering mind" on Google for images gave me two things that caught my eye: the first image above (titled humpback_whale_lips, which is self-explanatory), and the second one here at the end. I liked both :) But none of them give me an answer. Guess I'll give up and get back to full-fledged work now.
So I can't resist. So here are the lyrics:

Bavra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna
Bavra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Bavre Se Mann Ki Dekho Bavri Hain Baatein
Bavre Se Mann Ki Dekho Bavri Hain Baatein
Bavri Se Dhadkaane Hain, Bavri Hain Saansen
Bavri Si Karwaton Se Nindiya Door Bhaage
Bavre Se Nain Chaahe, Bavre Jharokhon Se, Bavre Nazaron Ko Takna
Bavra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Bavre Se Is Jahan Main Bavra Ek Saath Ho
Is Sayani Bheed Main, Bas, Haathon Mein Tera Haath Ho
Bavri Si Dhun Ho Koi, Bavra Ek Raag Ho
Bavri Si Dhun Ho Koi, Bavra Ek Raag Ho
Bavre Se Pair Chahen, Baavron Tarano Ke, Bavre Se Bol Pe Thirakna
Bavra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Bavra Sa Ho Andhera, Bavri Khamoshiyan
Bavra Sa Ho Andhera, Bavri Khamoshiyan
Thartharati Lau Ho Maddham, Bavri Madhoshiyan
Bavra Ek Ghooghta Chahe, Haule Haule Bin Bataye
Bavra Ek Ghooghta Chahe, Haule Haule Bin Bataye
Bavre Se Mukhde Se Sarakana
Bavra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Bavra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna
Bavra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna
Bavra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Friday, April 20, 2007

When we announced

... our upcoming wedding to the team at office, we (read "I") thought that we should add a bit of flavor to it. There was no wedding invitation card that we planned to send out, because we weren't inviting anyone, because the wedding was to take place in his far-off home town, because we didn't expect anyone to attend, because we ourselves wouldn't want to do all that traveling. Well, so we ordered a nice big Black Forest pastry-cake to make the very much expected announcement a little more interesting.
So why am I posting these 4 months after the wedding? Simply because I installed Picassa and am loving the neat little collage it creates for me :o)
Posted by Picasa

Edited to add: I forgot to mention it gives this kickass feature of creating posts for Blogspot right from within its own UI. However, the last time I tired it, Picassa didn't allow me to use more than 4 pictures in a post... but that could be due a limitation on the size of upload... will work that out, but otherwise it's a pretty cool tool!!

PS: The pictures have been taken by one of my colleagues with her Sony Walkman phone. Kewl na? I think she did as fantastic a job as her camera!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

The rooftop becons

Here's what it looks like

... from the rooftop on the building that is our present home (no, the yellow one is the millionaire neighbor's).

There is a bird

... or two, who can almost touch the beauty of the evening

... or more, who take a little along of everything that they pass through!

And then, there is the moon

... the husband

... and the lights to make the dusk complete!

Lightning captured!

Need I say more?

[Big devilish grin!!! :D]

For those interested in more (and just because I can't contain my excitement), see

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Being yourself

Yet again I quote from Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho, a poem, which itself is quoted. Originally written by Mitsuo Aida, a Japanese poet and calligrapher, here's what it says...

Because it has lived its life intensely

the parched grass still attracts the gaze of passers-by.

The flowers merely flower,

and they do this as well as they can.

The white lily, blooming unseen in the valley,

does not need to explain itself to anyone;

it lives merely for beauty.

Men, however, cannot accept that 'merely'.

If tomatoes wanted to be melons,

they would look completely ridiculous.

I am always amazed

that so many people are concerned

with wanting to be what they are not;

what's the point of making yourself look ridiculous?

You don't always have to pretend to be strong,

there's no need to prove all the time that everything is going well,

you shouldn't be concerned about what other people are thinking;

cry if you need to,

it's good to cry out all your tears

(because only then will you be able to smile again).

This also reminds me of an old post, and by the way, this chapter in the book, titled Meeting in the Dentsu Gallery also mentions synchronicity: the author is paid a visit by the son of the Japanese poet, whose poem he narrates.

Also an expert from the end of the chapter...

"I want to be someone capable of seeing the unseen faces, of seeing those who do not seek fame or glory, who silently fulfil the role life has given them.
I want to be able to do this because the most important things, those that shape our existence, are precisely the ones that never show their faces."

I don't know what exactly this means to me at this point of time, but I'm sure the mystery will unfold in the days to come. There's something significant about to happen in my life too.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

How one thing can contain everything

[Image taken from]

And this is one of the loveliest explanations I have come across recently:
A meeting in the house of a Sao Paulo-born painter based in New York. We are talking about angels, and about alchemy. At one point, I try to explain to the other guests the alchemical idea that each of us contains the whole universe and that we are, therefore, responsible for its well-being. I struggle to find the right words, but cannot come up with a good image that will explain my point of view.
The painter, who has been listening in silence, asks everyone to look out of the window of his studio.
"What can you see?" he asks.
"A street in Greenwich Village," someone replies.
The painter sticks a piece of paper over the window so that the street can no longer be seen; then, with a penknife, he cuts a small square in the paper.
"And if someone were to look through there, what would he see?"
"The same street," comes the reply.
The painter cuts several squares in the paper.
"Just as each of these holes contain within it the whole view of the same street, so each of us contains in our soul the same universe," he says.
And all of us applaud the lovely image he has found.

Again quoted from Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho. The title of this post is the same as the chapter title.

A synchronicity I felt the urge to mention

This is one of the sleepless nights that I often encounter. To add to it, I have a slightly upset stomach and a slight irritation in my right eye: there's something growing on the inner side of the eyelid. That is besides the usual chain on endless thoughts zooming in my mind like honeybees around a flower, or rather, like horseflies. The fact that I am sleeping next to my mom doesn't help. Ideally, I should sleep like a baby with her around.
So, I quit trying to force myself to sleep, get out of bed, tiptoe to the living room, switch on the lights, and continue reading from where I left off Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho. I'm reminded of something that happened last week with regard to the same book.
It was a regular weekday morning; I got my regular bowl of corn flakes and milk ready, and walked into the living room where I usually relax and have my breakfast. For no specific reason I started thinking about faith, and for no specific reason a scene from The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown played in my mind. The scene where Silas goes to the Saint Sulpice Church, destroys the keystone, and then goes on to slay the elderly nun. Then I thought about Jesus and why his teachings were so popular and why would people believe him to be the son of God. It also occurred to me that Jesus existed some 2000 years ago, very close to the estimated period of the Mahabharata. Was it Krishna whose legend spread by word of mouth and is so distorted that people came to know him as Jesus? I know this sounds ridiculous but, as I said, this thought came to me for no apparent reason. Oh, and just a necessary disclaimer: I do not, in any way, mean to demean the legend of either Jesus or Krishna. To me, both are respectable and irrelevant at the same time. Then, inspite of having no plans to read that morning, I picked up Like the Flowing River and started reading a chapter titled Raj Tells Me a Story. I have been reading the chapters in their serial order, though it isn't necessary. Incidentally, the previous night, I was about to read this chapter, but on second thoughts, left it off for the next reading session. I will quote the entire story here. I don't think any further discussion will be required.
A widow from a poor village in Bengal did not have enough money to pay for her son's bus fare, and so, when the boy started going to school, he would have to walk through the forest all on his own. In order to reassure him, she said:
"Don't be afraid of the forest, my son. Ask your God Krishna to go with you. He will hear your prayer."
The boy followed his mother's suggestion; Krishna duly appeared; and from then on, accompanied him to school everyday.
When it was his teacher's birthday, the boy asked his mother for some money in order to buy him a present.
"We haven't any money, son. Ask your brother Krishna to get you a present."
The following day, the boy explained his problem to Krishna, who gave him a jug of milk.
The boy proudly handed the milk to the teacher, but the other boys' presents were far superior and the teacher didn't even notice his gift.
"Take that jug of milk to the kitchen," said the teacher to an assistant.
The assistant did as he was told. However, when he tried to empty the jug, he found that it immediately filled up again of its own accord. He informed the teacher, who was amazed and asked the boy:
"Where did you get that jug, and how does it manage to stay full all the time?"
"Krishna, the god of the forest, gave it to me."
The teacher, the students and the assistant all burst out laughing.
"There are no gods in the forest. That's pure superstition," said the teacher. "If he exists, let's all go and see him."
The whole group set off. The boy started calling for Krishna, but he did not appear. The boy made one last desperate appeal.
"Brother Krishna, my teacher wants to see you. Please show yourself!"
At that moment, a voice emerged and echoed throughout the forest.
"How can he possibly want to see me, my son? He doesn't even believe I exist!"

Friday, March 16, 2007

Wish I were the Black Mamba of Kill Bill

Sadly, that character so awesomely portrayed by Uma Thurman does not fall under the category of a Superhero.
So, this is what I'm left with being...

You Are The Hulk

Super strong and super scary, you were never meant to be a superhero.
You're not really into saving the world. And the world better get out of your way.

And that shows how thoroughly jobless I am.
Wait a minute! That's not true.
The truth is... I have too many tasks to handle, too many roles to play, and I need a breather. In fact, I wish could brush some of the tasks off my shoulders, but the superhero that I am... I have to get on with it :(

Couldn't say it better than this

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are unique, witty, and even a little snobby.
You're quite proud of who you are, and nothing is going to change that.
You've paved your own way in life, and you've ended up where you want to be.

Underneath it all, you feel very isolated from the rest of the world.
It's hard to find people to relate to you on every level.
The mundane interests of your friends and family often bore or depress you.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

On Women's Day

Oh, just sharing this pic that someone forwarded. Liked it for no particular reason...

The world needs men and women... who cannot be bought; whose word is their bond; who put character above wealth; who possess opinions and a strong will; who are larger than their vocations; who do not hesitate to take risks; who will not lose their individuality in a crowd; who will be as honest in small affairs as in greater; who will make no compromise with wrong; whose ambitions are not confined to their own selfish desires; who will not say they do it because everybody else does it; who are true to their friends through good and bad, in adversity as well as in prosperity; who do not believe that shrewdness, cunning, and hardheadedness are the best qualities for winning success; who are not ashamed or afraid to stand for the truth when it is unpopular; who can say no with emphasis, although all the rest of the world says yes and yes with boldness, though all the rest of the world says no.

Going by this requirement, I'm all that's not needed. Useless, in short!

I believe that men and women exist for entirely different reasons and should not be compared. But, to make the moment lighter, here's one I liked: "Women who want to be equal to men lack ambition". Picked it off this site.

Well, I just wrote about two totally unrelated things above, but that's where my mind is these days. Swinging between random thoughts and leaving me in distress!

PS: I did some googling on the aforementioned quote, and found so many instances that were almost alike. People have taken the liberty to change the original wording for some reason or the other... I like this version the best, though.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Musical frustration

I'm constantly humming some tune or the other, though it may inaudible to my nearest neighbor. I can think of a song for almost every situation. Yet, inspite of wanting to do it for so many years, I could not take up singing classes, nor could I make myself learn to play a musical instrument. I so lacked in confidence. I so bolstered my cowardice that I could never attempt anything more than to be a part of a friendly orchestra, or shout my voice out singing in a bus during a picnic. And, of course, there's the bathroom. I never graduated beyond that. I so, so want to take up singing as a hobby and pursue it till the end of my life. I may not be knowledgeable about music in general, but I believe that there's a rhytm in every moment, every movement, every sight, every touch, every word. I cannot explain what makes me feel that way, but, at times, when I'm elated, whethere for any or no reason, I can feel the music around me, in every shred of my being. And at most such moments you'll find me humming a tune, or singing away to glory.

I remember my mom saying once that whenever she heard the strings of a taanpura, she'd get so shaken up that she'd cry. I laughed at her. But, I noticed that the same happens to me! It's like someone stroking the string of your very heart! It's heart-breaking and, at the same time, exhiliarating to hear a strong, clear voice singing an alaap or a cheez, as they are called in Hindustaani classical music.

When, oh, when am I going to drag my sorry ass to a singing class, and get a life? There have always been silly reasons--no money, lack of time, other priorities, it-would-do-no-good-to-my-already-sedentary-lifestyle, and innumerable such excuses behind which I hid myself. And I suffered. Every moment. Becasue I didn't have the guts to sign myself up.

In many such things that I have failed to do in my life (and I remember this very often now-a-days) I have been the only one that holds myself back. If only I could know why I made myself suffer like this. Everything happens for a reason... Really?! Bullshit! What good did I do by locking myself behind the bars of my own cowardice?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Like a pencil

Presenting a short story from the book Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho.
The Story of the Pencil
A boy was watching his grandmother write a letter. At one point, he asked:
'Are you writing a story about what we've done? Is it a story about me?'
His grandmother stopped writing her letter and said to her grandson:
'I am writing about you, actually, but more important than the words is the pencil I'm using. I hope you will be like this pencil when you grow up.'
Intrigued, the boy looked at the pencil. It didn't seem very special.
'But it's just like any other pencil I've ever seen!'
'That depends on how you look at things. It has five qualities which, if you manage to hang on to them, will make you a person who is always at peace with the world.
'First quality: you are capable of great things, but you must never forget that there is a hand guiding your steps. We call that hand God, and He always guides us according to His will.
'Second quality: now and then, I have to stop writing and use a sharpener. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he's much sharper. So you, too, must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows, because they will make you a better person.
'Third quality: the pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.
'Fourth quality: what really matters in a pencil is not its wooden exterior, but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.
'Finally, the pencil's fifth quality: it always leaves a mark. In just the same way, you should know that everything you do in life will leave a mark, so try to be conscious of that in your every action.'

So, what 'mark' am I leaving?
I could find a thousand reasons not to judge myself based on the aforementioned qualities of a pencil, now. But, the moment I read the passage, all I could think of was this question. And I didn't think long enough to find an answer. I still ain't thinking. Just noting this down, so that, some day, when I find the patience to do it, I might do a little self-analysis for fun. But, off the top of my mind, I can't think of any worthwhile 'marks' that I have left anywhere. Most of the 'marks' I remember are best forgotten. Okay, maybe one, but that was more for myself than for anyone else.

Shit! I wanted this post to be inspiring, thought-provoking. This turned out to be drab. That's because I am drab. At the moment. I think I need to sleep. Let me see if I can leave a mark that really matters, in my dreams. :)

Oh, by the way, check this out. It isn't philosophical. It's entertaining. And very beautiful.

Giving myself another...

I've got to write. What, I do not know. But, there's something waiting to burst out of me since some months now. I've shoved a lot of stuff under the carpet. And it's showing now. Smelling too. The past six months seem like a blur. Six years, actually. All through the day, there are zillions of thoughts zooming in and out of my mind, taking me through highs and lows. There are moments when all I want in the world is to talk about them, or pen them down. And all I will be doing is staring at my computer screen. Working, chatting, playing games, trying to convince myself that I will find time to be all by myself, conjure up an idea, toy with it, see if I can stretch it, manipulate it, develop a generalized principle from it. Everything but doing it. I push back so many thoughts, ideas, emotions into dark corners of my mind, imagining that I will find time to draw them out again and do what I was supposed to do with them; but that never happens. What happens is that I lie wide awake at night, and none of those dark corners are accessible any more. I lie lost. I lie helpless. I lie depressed. I lie frustrated. Because I didn't act when I had the opportunity. It's not as if I have great ideas that could change the world. But some of them could, at least, change my world. And as I have said to myself countless times, I think too much and act too little--in fact, I don't act at all. All I do is think, then I think about something else, lose track of what I should be thinking, I talk, and in the process, lose track of what I should be doing. Exactly in that order. I'm good at making plans. And that's all I'm good at. There's probably only one thing I planned out well, and acted accordingly. That got me where I am today, professionally. But the rest is just a blur. A blur of events. A blur of people. A blur of thoughts. A blur of inertial moments. Till, one day, I get shaken by an event, or a person. Something happens that makes me sit down and write some crap, like this one, about how hopeless I am, inspite of all the intellect I have, the abilities I acquire, and the opportunities that come my way. And that's about it. This must be the third or fourth time in the past two years that I have chided myself. But, I never seem to go beyond this chiding and actually do something, with determination, regularly. I lack consistency. I lack perseverance. And, I hate to say this, but I lack passion. I wasn't like this. I get tears in my eyes every time I think of this, but it's true. I was a very passionate person. Over the last two or three years, however, that emotion has been smothered inside my mind. I don't know how I did it, or why I did it. Now, all I do is sit and cry (or worse, feel nothing) when I remember who I am, what I am capable of, and what I am (not) doing.

In the midst of all external changes and enhancements in my life, my spirit lies neglected. The flame is slowly dying away. I may not be of any use to anyone, or the universe in general, but I would not like it if I'm a hindrance. I do not like the feeling of being just another rock on the face of this earth. I am a human being and have been given this gift of life for a reason. It may not be contributing to anything, but there's a reason I live. I've tried to find the reason, at times, by following the path others have trodden, at times, by developing my own theories. But, what went wrong, I know for sure, is that I have given up before I reached the destination. Like I said before, I lack perseverance.

I don't know what more to write. I'm gonna leave this half-way too. But, for a change, am not just giving up. I'm turning to something that will give me inspiration. A book. What book? Doesn't matter. I know I'll find inspiration there. There's plenty of it anywhere I want to find it. What I am actually giving myself is another opportunity. To start reviving myself. It's like CPR.

Pray that I never give up this time.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Spouses working in the same organization...

have advantages like:

  1. being with each other 24x7

  2. knowing all of each others' colleagues

  3. commuting to work together

  4. having lunch together, every single day

  5. sticking together at all official parties
and disadvantages like:

  1. being with each other 24x7

  2. knowing all of each others' colleagues

  3. commuting to work together

  4. having lunch together, every single day

  5. sticking together at all official parties
especially, like in my case, when you work with the same team, in the same premises!
You get my drift?

Thursday, January 25, 2007


You Sometimes Don't Get Enough Sleep
You're often more tired than you'd like, and you're probably not getting enough quality sleep. Sleeping a little more could make you a lot more energetic and happy. Try having a bedtime, keep your bedroom cool, and only eat fruit before bed.

Wait a minute. For those who know me, this has got nothing to do with the fact that I recently got married. No kidding! This problem has been around since quite a few years now. As a result of this, I am
(a) in quite a bad mood when I wake up, not because I don't feel rested, but because I remember that I've always been an early riser and I don't remember when I lost that habit (!) and
(b) wide awake when it's time to doze off, because that's when my brain starts listing the tasks that need to be done the next day, the next week, and at worst times, the next year!!
Now-a-days I just can't drag myself out of the bed in the mornings. My husband thinks I have acquired the habit from him, but that can't be. He is a sleeping disease (like this friend of mine who was called the laughing disease instead of the smiling face for obvious reasons). He can sleep for 30 hours at a stretch. According to him, you just need sleep in order to sleep. According to him, I let almost everything under the sun to come in the way of my sleep. According to him I need to concentrate on sleep.
My problem is not about not sleeping long enough. It's getting there that's the problem. There have been times when I yawn throughout the day. If I'm watching a late night movie I yawn in front of the TV till I get tears in my eyes, but the moment I hit the bed, I lay wide awake. I have tried to concentrate, to meditate, to get myself exhausted, everything, just to fall asleep at the right time. On most of the few lucky days when I get there, I will have dreams--dreams which have no relevance whatsoever to either my past, present, or future lives, my work, my family, or anything that matters to me. Well, sometimes the dreams are a direct reflection of my current feelings / thoughts / problems, etc. In any case, what I do not get is sound sleep! I must have had a total of 171.35 nights of dreamless, peaceful sleep in the past 5 years (the method I applied to calculate this is strictly confidential). That includes the half hour I fell unconscious after an accident and the three hours during which I underwent a surgery (note that these two events were totally unrelated).
Oh, according to my husband, I switch on when I wake up... I go straight to the kitchen, switch on the water heater, attend a conference call, or basically do anything that is required. According to him, he isn't a switch that can be flicked on; he needs at least an hour to actually wake up (cold booting, anyone?) after he has woken up. According to him, if I switch on so easily, why can't I switch off just as easily? According to me, it's time hit the "shrink" button. And I'm talking about the noun, not the verb.