Over the past few months I was going through a stage where I had almost lost faith in all the good things.
About four years back, I went through a totally opposite stage, where I had a euphoric belief in God, and could see miracles everywhere around me. Then, I reached a point where I was in the best mindset ever in this lifetime. I had the right attitude towards life, the right people around me, and the opportunity to plan and buy all the materialistic things I'd want. From that point onwards, however, everything went downhill. Whenever I thought back about it, I could see the exact events when I went wrong. But that did not give me the inspiration to go set it right. All I've been doing, so far, is brooding about it.
But since the past few months, I've been noticing a series of events that are leading me in a certain direction. Well, I've noticed it only lately. At the onset of this series of events, however, I was totally clueless about what was happening to me and why. Everything was so foggy--I should have realized it was the dawn of a new day full of lessons for me.
Four years ago, I had just finished a previous, very long day of lessons. It was clearly an emotional rebirth of sorts for me. The next angel taught me a lot in a really short time, and it was fun. Then came the long period of stumbling down the hill. I doubt whether I could have steadied myself even if I wanted to. Maybe this was necessary to break my ego, which had built itself up while I was reaching my mental / emotional high-point.
In the past few months, I had to sort of unlearn all that I had learned before. All my myths about love and life came shattering down to the point that I was becoming bitter and rotten from within. Then, slowly, without me noticing, the regeneration process began. This time, my angels appeared not in the form of people, but as books. Oh, wait a minute! What am I saying? Of course, there was a person. You know who you are. Thank you.
Then there were my darling books: Curious Lives (Richard Bach) and Many Lives, Many Masters (Dr. Brian Weiss). I had bought these books months ago: just around the end of my four-year-long-day-of-lessons. But, as I truly believe, books come to me (read: I happen to read them) at a time when I need them the most.
Curious Lives was the first to intervene: like I said, I was losing faith in all the good things in life. I felt like rebelling against every custom / tradition set by people around me. When I began with the book, I wondered to myself: how could people be good to others and themselves all the time? That would make the world so boring! This was contradictory to what I wanted, what everyone else seems to want, but can't care enough to work at: world peace, or peace in general--the absence of strife--especially in human relationships. The book cleared any doubts I had about the possibility of a fun life inspite of all the goody-goody behavior. Richard Bach is surely one of my most important teachers in this lifetime. A silent thanks to you my reluctant messiah!
Many Lives, Many Masters revived my belief in the existence of the soul and the concept of reincarnations--to learn the lessons we need to reach the all-knowing and wise, God-like stage of tranquility. A friend had recommended it long back, but I knew it would come to me when I was ready.
To top it off, Evan Almighty was aired on TV this evening--a movie I would've put off watching as just another sequel that rides on the success of its ancestor. The hubs somehow kept it on instead of flipping channels as he usually does, and it got me interested minute-by-minute. Now, it's not a great movie by itself. It just came at a special time to me. Thanks for all the hints, my angels.
Besides these, the other significant pointer for me was a sort of reconciliation with a friend, whom I had almost lost, along with my previous unlearning. He was an angel during those lessons--now he is probably a classmate. Another thing that fell into place was my plan to reestablish myself as the morning-person that I always was. I asked for my late evening conference calls at work to be rescheduled to the mornings, and it was accepted in a jiffy. At the same time, my one-month freeze on the gym membership got over, and I started swimming already! Also, for some reason, the hubs and I did not pay our regular visit to the cinemas this weekend. Instead, we did some housecleaning, fixed the bicycles and had a couple of nice rides together. As a bonus point: we haven't had a major squabble in the past two weeks (then again, maybe it's just me consciously avoiding them). If that isn't an indication of the positive changes in my life, I don't know what is!
During this lesson, the changes in me are subtle, and hopefully longer lasting. I have also been noticing every single, small little help that the angels give to push me closer to what I want to be, and what I want to do with my time. I will become more efficient and consistent as time goes by, and hopefully not take things for granted any more. Never let me lose faith again, my guardians.
Nov 19, 2008, 0008 hrs :)