Wednesday, May 19, 2010

To the two girls

...who zoomed past me--who was stationary for a reason--and almost cut through a red light. Yes, you two, who braked abruptly upon seeing the policewoman watching you attempt to jump the signal. You who looked nonchalantly around and appeared to act cool, then tried to moved backwards because you suddenly noticed that you were almost in the middle of the square, then turned around and asked, "Auntie, Model Colony?"

Firstly, that's not how you phrase a question. But then, you're the SMS generation--I'm surprised you didn't try to abbreviate that and expect me to understand.

Secondly, respect the pedestrian crossing! Did you notice you were on it and about to go beyond? Do you even know that it is there for a purpose? Or did you cheat on your written exam for the driver's license?

Thirdly, I may be an auntie to several little babies, some teenagers, and even a few adults who happen to be related to me by blood or by law, but I'm surely not yours. When you look at the mirror, do you sometimes notice the arms you've been gifted with? They look like bottle gourds grown especially for consumption by hippos. And from whatever I could see, so are other parts of your body. I have fat arms too, but they pale in comparison to your nubile, young cellulite bombs. (Kill me for this, but I just had to say it.)

And lastly, Model Colony stretches for at least a couple of square kilometers beyond the signal you were attempting to jump. Try being specific when you want to get directions from random strangers whom you auntize. Especially when you're inviting death-stares from them by halting right on top of the pedestrian crossing.

I hope you didn't find your destination and were fined thrice in the same day for breaking traffic rules.

6 comments:

G said...

Oh come one Pallu, did you really expect them to look guilty and embarrassed? You all who were stopping at a signal were real fools, not them. :P

And I like the word auntize

simplypallu said...

Yep, someone's gotta be cool among so many fools, right?
And I liked coining that word ;-)

momofrs said...

Hey!!
I'd commented yesterday, but looks like for some reason you didnt get it :(
Oh well, I'll repeat it yet again :)
I LOVE the bottle gourd reference !! It had me in splits :D
And for the Auntize part, babes, you don't KNOW the number of times I've faced it. Heck, I've given up fighting the title!!
But I do love your take on it !
Loved the humour :D

simplypallu said...

Thanks, Noor. The bottle gourd remark I learned from my maternal grandpa. Used to sound vile coming from him ;-)
I really have no issues being called auntie or even a granny, but not from 20 somethings who like they 35 and not even remotely related to me!

versethanpoetry said...

careful, miss... road rage is on the rise, and we cannot fall prey to it, no matter how long we have to drive in first gear, how many cyclists swing wildly from right to left lanes, no matter how many trucks block up all 4 lanes of the highway trying to overtake each other...

wv -- hiliz: greeting to the queen

simplypallu said...

Oh, no, not to mistake that I'm the one who drives in first gear. I didn't mean to say that I follow traffic rules to the tee. I'll happily go through any lane that gets me where I want to go fastest, but err, I try to stick to the fastest lane in the first place. Unless there are morons (driving at 21 kmph) overtaking other morons (driving at 20 kmph). But I do stop when the signal is red. I do let pedestrians cross first at a crossing--I don't drive over them. I do respect other people who obey lane discipline. Yada, yada, yada. This one was more of a girly rant against two I-don't-give-a-fuck-for-noone-look-how-cool-I-am kinda girls.