Monday, May 24, 2010

They didn't soar for me

Disclaimer: I missed the first 15 minutes or so of the movie, but I never felt like I missed any important part of the storyline.

I was skeptical yet hopeful for Kites. The skeptic in me won. Anyone like me or Noor, who didn't like 3 Idiots, should steer clear of this movie too. Or watch it on a hugantic (word learned from D) HDTV with mute ON--the leading actors are drooooolicious, all the talking they do takes the charm away. No, the plots or the actors in the two movies aren't comparable, but they had a common denominator--eye-piercing flaws:
  1. There was nothing even remotely related to kites in the film--not even kites shown flying in any frame. (See disclaimer above.) And if there were, they were so well hidden somewhere in the background, that the events in the foreground obfuscated (I love that word!) my mind. Well, you can say that the protagonists were metaphorical kites--their lives were controlled by the strings of their circumstances (and the villains--said in a Mallu accent), yet they soared high in the sky through/because of their love. Bleh!
  2. When Hritik and Barbara enter her room after their rain-dancing/flying stint, the door closes behind them, and you see the string attached to the doorknob pulling it. Or maybe it was just my eyesight. Or imagination. Either way, the image stuck. Because their kiss wasn't convincing. It was too slow and too awkward to seem real. Not to mention the focus only on the lips--as if it were being made for a audience who found this taboo--and not on the people who were feeling the emotions leading to it.
  3. The silly car chase sequences where the cars were blown apart by using bombs: so not cool. No car that goes on top of another will explode from the inside/passenger seating area. There's nothing there to trigger the explosion from. Cars might explode when they bang head-on into something else. There's where the combustion engine is, remember? Also, why are the police always stupider than the hero? They're always the ones whose cars end up in a pile. Where does a hero without much money learn to drive cars like a dirt-track racing pro (or some other kinda pro who specializes in a chase like that)? And wasn't he supposed to be a dancer in the first place?
  4. We get to see a little too much of the villain. Every time the hero and heroine heave a sigh of relief (or just heave, you know ;-) ), Tony--said in a bad Vegas accent--appears on the screen in slow motion with the you-took-my-toy-away-I'm-gonna-tell-your-mama-face. Argh. My eyes almost bled.
  5. I didn't care to remember more than these.
More of my personal opinions, listed just for the heck of it. You may skip or you may read and say I'm judgmental. Heck, it's my blog and I call the shots here (pun fully intended):
  • Again, Hritik Roshan looks incredibly good/hot. I entered the movie hall as Hritik and Kangana were doing their dance routine, and that set my expectations higher. Hritik dances like a dream, and some day I'd love to see him perform on So You Think You Can Dance, but I know that that will only remain a dream. If only Hritik could do those awesome jumps and flips. I think you need to train for that since childhood.
  • Anyway, Kangana looks really nice (and sometimes beautiful) in all of her 5 minutes of screen time. I actually thought that the woman who played Kangana's mom looked quite like her. But that sort of contradicts my previous statement.
  • Barbara smile-a-lot looks great and acts decently. However, I think she flashed her teeth a lot. Unnecessarily. And, boy, does she work her pout!? I'm sure that must have sent the guys in a tizzy. I'm also sure there are a thousand more better looking Spanish women out there. My favorite being Paz Vega, who acts well too. I'm talking about Spanglish and not the other B-grade movies she acted in. Some say she's a Penelope Cruz lookalike. I say she's better.
The only one thing I loved about the movie was the scene where Hritik entertains Barbara with some shadow play thingummy, after she's abused by her fiancé. You know, where you make shapes with your fingers against a light and their shadows enact a scene on the wall? Obviously, I didn't care to look up what it's called.

I love Hritik's looks in general. I can ogle at him for a long time in a poster. For some reason, however, his acting doesn't convince me much about the intensity/passion of his character. The only time I really liked his I'm-baring-my-soul-to-you expressions was in Kaho Na Paar Hai, but back then I was young and stupid and the only movies I could compare with were other sappier Bollywood movies. I think he's got a big bad boy lurking inside, waiting to be unleashed from his 'good boy' persona. And not in the Dhoom:2 way. That acting wasn't convincing either. I want to see him do a Lallan Singh a la Abhishek in Yuva. I know he can. I'm waiting for him to be unleashed. Am I being stupidly hopeful?

If you've read through till here, you must have noticed how distracted I was when writing this post. Well, that's how 'gripping' the movie was. Folks could simply do with getting Hritik and Barbara's stunning posters home and ogling at them. It'll be a better investment than watching the movie.


Anonymous said...

Oh wow P!!
Thanks for the detailed veiw!!
I think I'll give it a pass. Definitely not worth the 200 grand that multiplexes are charging for it :(
will wait for the DVD release :)

simplypallu said...

You're welcome. Even the morning show I watched was priced 150 bucks. The 90 bucks I spent on Shrek the next day were a better investment. Shrek was my insurance against the effects of Kites.

Synchronicity Diva said...

Wonderful! Send it to TOI. They'll sack their reviewers!

simplypallu said...

Thankee, P. Noor was my inspiration (see link above).

Anonymous said...

Appreciate your daring..

You watched this movie and wrote such a long review... you are really brave...

simplypallu said...

Oh, I'm braver than you think. I watched Aap Mujhe Achhe Lagne Lage in a theater. My mind was so numb at the end of it, I couldn't write a post. Oh, wait a minute. I didn't know what blogging was, back then.

WTH? The film is even cited on Wikipedia (! Doom is upon us.

Anonymous said...

well u r indeed brave.. didnt u dare to watch karz(himesh bhai) rangopal varma kee aag? paisa vasool?

I have watched "Aap Mujhe Achhe Lagne Lage" too, but not in theatre..well it was certainly a doom on hrithik amisha jodi..

simplypallu said...

I said I'm brave, I don't tread fire :P
Himesh-Viemsh, tauba, tauba!

Anonymous said...

haha :) good for you..